Monday, August 06, 2007

Cookie Monsters

I'm very angry and I don't get angry often. Well, not very often. I get upset, disgruntled, peeved, and agitated. Those are silent, seething, I-don't-want-to-get-punched-by-someone-angrier-and-larger-than-I emotions.
I'm angry because I was at Sam's this evening purchasing large quantities of paper products and eating my dinner. I had a sample of crackers for my grain group. I had a single cherry for my fruit group. One really nice employee gave me not one but two souffle cups of tilapia. Oooh. I think they'd sell more of that stuff if you actually got enough of the sample to taste the food. Like "Taste of Sam's." Anyway, it was time for dessert. I deserve a dessert. I work hard. All I wanted from that huge warehouse of canned goods was toilet tissue and a frickin' cookie.
I look forward to that cookie for the entire week! They have free cookies in the bakery and I feel no qualms about grabbing one at the end of my shopping/eating spree. I pay an annual fee for the privilege. I drive miles and flash my Sam's card with the hideous picture on it. (My hair was awful that day.) I walk on cold, concrete floors in harsh lighting for the right to eat those free cookies.
So, I was in line behind three people. There were four cookies left in the container. Four BIG cookies. The two little kids with the dirtiest hands I've ever seen, shuffled the cookies and selected one each. Normally, I'm a germ freak but I'm not aware of any outbreaks of E. Coli being traced back to cookies. Dessert does not kill. Not directly anyway. The guy in front of me was so excited his hand shook as he slowly reached into the cookie thing and took--yes the last two cookies! What the heck? I was practically standing on the heel of his shoes, breathing down his neck. I know he saw me. I was furious. I swear if he wasn't like 90-years-old, I would have lost it.
I opened my mouth to protest when the bakery lady came running over with more cookies. The greedy dude acted as if he were going to take more. How many cookies does a 100-lb man need? I love the elderly. I'm about to be one of them, but dang. It occurred to me that he might be on a fixed income and he needed the cookies. Then, I looked in his cart. He had steaks--several steaks. I had one five-buck rotisserie chicken for the week. Hmph. I reached over him and grabbed four cookies.
Now, I'm angry because my stomach hurts. What possessed me to eat four cookies on an empty stomach?